Drunken Night
by Leurie
Summary: Tom and Sabine are out of town leaving Marinette home alone trusting she's responsible enough. What they didn't know was that Tikki apparently wasn't as much as she appears to be. Cross-posted on AO3.
1. Friday, 8:43 - 10:57 PM

[8:43 PM, Friday]

It was a peaceful Friday evening. Marinette's parents were out of town for a weekend trusting their daughter with being alone until Sunday night. Tikki didn't get the reason why or where they go but she never asked questions when they were not needed... or at least she thought she never did. Marinette was in her room, probably designing or drolling in front of her Adrien photo display, so Tikki could go explore the place.

She always loved when she could look around her holder's home without a fear she'd get caught by her parents. This place had it's own charm that she couldn't describe by words. Actually, she could, but not in English or French. Everywhere she looked there were photos of Marinette and her parents. Space was nice and warm and you could feel the love filling the space. She never had a holder whose home was this... welcoming? Or at least when they had a home... or family... or...

Anyway! The most important thing about the flat was being linked to the bakery! She liked to sneak out at night when Marinette's parents were asleep so she could grab some sweets.

At first, she never took more than fifty chocolate-chip cookies per visit, so it wasn't much. But then the owners did not think it wasn't much. First, they accused Marinette of eating them but she asked what purpose would she have to sneak out at night to grab fifty cookies when she could just ask for them. After that Marinette asked her not to steal cookies from the bakery.

So she moved on to fruit tarts and croissants.

She didn't understand why her holder also wasn't so happy about that though. She never said anything about these so what was wrong?

It was happening for some time when bakers decided that they need to find the cookie thief.

One night Tikki noticed that Dupain-Chengs installed some weird boxes at the ceiling so she decided to examine one of them while eating a cookie. In the morning she found out that Tom and Sabine have decided that their bakery was haunted. She told Marinette that she couldn't sense any spirits in the house nor it wasn't her doing but the girl just facepalmed and left it be. The next day they called an exorcist and since then she wasn't so interested in going to the bakery. That day Marinette has decided to increase her daily cookie stock so she didn't have a reason to go down there anymore.

So instead she decided tonight is the night to explore Marinette's parents' bedroom since she's never been there.

The room wasn't as big as Marinette's. In the middle, there was a queen-sized bed, two-night tables at each side and sitting cushion at the end of the bed... Why buying another place to sit when you can do it on the bed. It doesn't make sense. But who is she to judge?

Back to reality, she looked at a window - very big, white window with a view at a crossroad.

Nice.

Then she looked the other way - a couple of swords, machine gun, a rope - all of them hang on the wall.

Very nice.

... Welp, seen it, lived it, loved it so now it was time to get herself into cookie coma.

As she was making her way out of the room, she noticed an open cabinet next to the door. She didn't notice it earlier. And it was open. It was like an invitation to look what's inside - and who is she to decline? She made her way to the cabinet and when she looked what's in there - her whole world stopped.  
Marinette must see it - now.

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[8:58 PM, Friday]

Tikki entered teenager's room with a crash. Marinette jumped at the sudden noise and came eye to eye with her kwami friend.

"Marinette! You must go downstairs with me right now! It's extremely important and I need your help." said Tikki and started flying away toward the stairs.

Marinette's eyes went wide and immediately followed her. Her first thought was that there must be an Akuma attack. But then why Tikki didn't tell her to transform? Was there a burglar? ...No, the alarm would turn on and Tikki would also tell her to transform. So maybe she found an ancient artifact... or something that suggested her father was Hawkmoth! The thought made her shiver - it would be horrible to find out someone you loved is a villain slash terrorist.

She let Tikki lead her to her parent's room. Her heart started beating faster, her "my dad's Hawkmoth" theory might be coming true. And suddenly her heart stopped as she glanced at the wall. Why on earth would her parents own so many weapons? And oh god was that a grenade? She was staring at them, feeling numb until Tikki's voice woke her up.

"You must help me with those I can't open them myself Marinette!" she squeaked enthusiastically and went for the cabinet. Marinette, on the other hand, found herself confused. So her parents were not psychopaths...? Then why on earth would they have all these... Okay, whatever, she just needed to be more chill and don't jump into some stupid conclusions.

Marinette came closer to the cabinet, "What do you need help with Tikki?" she asked. For a second there was no answer but then the cabinet opened and Marinette's became more confused than ever.

"Marinette, your parents have Don Julio from 1942! And, oh my, Toro Alballa. Those must have cost fortune, how did they get their hands on those?" Tikki gasped, Marinette just was staring at her confused, "Not that it matters, we're drinking those two tonight. Please open this one." she pointed at tequila.

At that moment Marinette didn't know if this was a dream or just some weird joke that Tikki was playing on her.

"Um, Tikki... is this a joke...?" the girl asked unsure what to do with this situation. Tikki just laughed and shook her head.

"Of course not silly!" kwami said cheerfully, "It was ages ago when I last had tequila. Or wine, vodka, gin..."

As Tikki started to count types of alcohol, Marinette's mind went off. Her sweet, innocent kwami friend likes alcohol. Did she get hit by an Akuma and now she is in some alternate universe?

"Marinette! I changed my mind." Marinette sighed relieved, but then Tikki continued, "Let's drink this Chateau wine first. Do you have a corkscrew?" and she stared at the girl expectantly.

It took Marinette ten seconds to respond, "Tikki, excuse my language but... What the hell?"

Not in a million years, she would expect that Tikki, extremely serious and responsible, was asking her to open a wine. And drink it with her!

Tikki looked unfazed though, "Oh it's nothing. I just like to drink with my holders sometimes.", she answered her with so much joy in her voice that made the whole situation even more surreal, "Come on Marinette, you're a teenager! Be more chill and have fun for once in your life!"

Aaand that was the moment when she started considering it. It was just like she said to herself earlier - be more chill. But then again, what if Hawkmoth decided to release an Akuma. Tikki immediately read through her thoughts.

"Don't worry about Hawkmoth, I'm sure that Chat Noir can handle it tonight.", said Tikki and tried to pick up the wine.

But Marinette still wasn't fully convinced, "I know he can handle it, but... I am the only one who can de-evilized it.", Tikki looked at her and it was clear she wasn't having it anymore.

"He'll just have to put a butterfly in a jar and wait for us.", she retorted then yet again turned her attention to bottles. Maybe she should have gin or liqueur first and not wine. But then he didn't know how Marinette would react to them, so maybe she should pick something lighter... Eh, she'll just have to stick with wine for her girl's sake.

"Tikki, I... we can't afford to make the same mistake like Stoneheart. What if...", oh right, Marinette still was not sure. Kwami sighed and cut her off.

"Marinette, you're allowed to make mistakes. I am allowed to make mistakes. Everyone can make mistakes.", she said and laughed, "Plus come on, I don't wanna be the only one to make mistakes tonight. Let's do it together, with no care in the world and not let anyone or anything spoil our fun."  
Marinette just stood there considering every word.

Since she became Ladybug she rarely had time to herself - not that she hadn't any. It's just that... All of her friends have all of the time in the world for things they want to do. And there is she. When an Akuma attacks she must leave everything so she could save the city. Going out with her friends, helping her parents, watching over Manon, school, stalking Adrien... Every single one of those was always interrupted by Hawkmoth. Oh god, because of him she missed that party Nino threw last month. He and Alya had told her that it wasn't a big deal and she could go next time.

But she wanted to go the first time and it wouldn't be the same. She also didn't miss the look of disappointment in her friends' eyes. It was not the first time she ditched them without a legit explanation. Maybe they started to think that she just did not want to spend time with them...? How could she find the words and courage to tell them that she's a superhero and that is far more important than friends... But then again. Is that really true?

Tikki and Master Fu have told her many times that she has a duty and destiny to oblige. Yet, was it worth the cost she's been paying this whole time? Not only her relationships got worse - as much as she didn't want to admit it or tell anyone, including Tikki, her self-image. At first, it wasn't bad. Everybody was giving praises to her alter ego and admire her. But then one day someone compared her two selves to each other. It wasn't meant to be mean yet it hurt to finally see that her normal self, wasn't as good as the superhero one.

Also, everyone seemed to be crushing on Ladybug. She hated to admit that when Nathaniel changed his object of affection for Ladybug she was kind of sad. Even Adrien seemed to have a crush on Ladybug. It was like... Is she not enough to even consider?

She looked at Tikki. Her kwami still tried to choose the best alcohol. Marinette looked at those bottles, then at the window and the city and yet again at the bottles. She made her decision.

The girl sighed and grabbed an opened before Ciroc vodka, "Let's start with this one. We can have shots or make ourselves drinks with coke." said Marinette and Tikki let out an excited squeak.

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[10:24 PM, Friday]

Marinette was laughing hard as she listened to Tikki's story about how Plagg "didn't notice" Tower of Pisa. She could not believe that someone this small can be so destructive. But then again, he was an embodiment of destruction. The girl and her kwami reached for their shot glasses.

"Oh god Tik, dis is the b'st thing I've eve' heard. Cheers.", said Marinette and gulped all of her tequila at once.

Tikki laughed, already drunk, "Just ya wait till ya hear 'bout Trixx 'nd all da 'miracles' he and dat Jesus guy did. Cheers.", and she drank the whole thing. Marinette's eyes went wide.

"N' way, he's been a fox?", girl squeaked and fell of the couch.

Tikki snorted at that, "Oui.", she looked at her empty glass and at the bottles. They've finished vodka within' an hour then they moved on wine and when they finished that one too, Tikki decided it's finally time for tequila. And tequila was Tikki's favorite.

"Hei, Tikki how m'ch 'd we drink, 'cuz tbh I lost count", Marinette asked lying on the floor.

Kwami stared at the empty bottles, but her head was spinning... or maybe she was spinning around, she couldn't tell. There was one bottle on a table, the other one was on a couch and she was sitting on top of one..."... I fo'got how to cou'nt. Mari 'elp meh.", she mumred.

Marinette looked at her and shook her head, "Nnnnn, n' gon' do that.", she hardly stood up, almost falling over again, "Tiks, letz go to ma rooom 'nd get dis party beg'n", she took Don Julio bottle and she started walking... tripping on everything on her way to her room and the sound of something falling spread through space.

Tikki, on the other hand, was outraged. First of all, nobody says no to her. Second, how dare she took her tequila. And finally, she still did not remember how to count. She wasn't having it.

"Nonono, we ain't playin' like dis kiddo. Ya'r leavin' ma tequila 'nd ya ain't no leavin' dis r'm. Ya need to be un'der sup'rvis'on 'nd y'll be not d'sobey m.", she stated before adding, "Go t' ya room 'nd think 'bout wha' ya did youn' l'dy."

And when she looked at 'Marinette' she was 'weirdly resembling a broom'. Did she think that Tikki will let her go with not listening to her by playing a broom? Oh, she thought soooo wrong.

"M'rnett', no st'lkin' Adr'n fur a week.", but there was no response, "Ch'nged ma mind. F'r tfwo weeks!", still no answer. Tikki almost got furious, but then she remembered she was the responsible one so she will give her another chance to redeem herself, "Ya makin' m' do dis.", silent as Tikki ever "not heard" her, "T'ree we'ks g'rl."

Meanwhile, Marinette finally got to her spinning chair. She placed Don Julio bottle on her desk and she looked at her computer. Adrien's big green eyes were looking at her and she couldn't help herself but cringe. What would he say if he saw her right now?

Looking like she was crawled to hell and then brought back. Drinking because she felt weak. Feeling like nothing. Probably endangering whole Paris by giving in her insecurities and Tikki. Wait no, Tikki didn't pour the alcohol in her mouth. It was all her. It's all her fault.

Marinette looked at her walls. His eyes were on her. Judging her. Quickly she made her decision - she changed her wallpaper on the computer and then started ripping posters from her walls. But they all landed on the floor and now his eyes were looking at her from below. She couldn't stand it. She grabbed as many as she could and made her way to the bathroom.

She opened the toilet and started shoving them there. She did that three times more when she was sure there was no poster left. So she flushed the toilet. And nothing. They did not move and his eyes were still looking at her. Marinette was growing desperate and so she made her way to the cabinet near mirror. She found matches.

* * *

Hiiiiii. So it's cross posted on AO3. I'll just copy paste notes and chapters from there because why not.

* * *

First of all, I apologize for "Jesus is fox" joke. I couldn't help myself. If someone's offended by it I'll remove it.

Hi.  
Soooooo... well, let me just justify my concept because I know it is quite ridiculous? So one night I was laying on my couch and my brother came to my room, slightly drunk, and started telling me how his friend's birthday party, or just party idk, went. The things he was saying were so ridiculous and I had a hard time breathing from laughing. And then we just kept retelling each other's drunk stories.  
So that night for some dumb reason I thought that what really I want to see is Tikki get drunk and then Master Fu's like: "What did I say?" "Dn't have tequila" "And what did you have?" "Tequila."  
But I couldn't find any fic that has this. So I thought to myself "You gonna make it happen, baby". And so this is basically a story from real life experiences, mostly my brother's because he has more friends than I and I was really drunk only three times in my life.  
Also if you think that the amount they drank this chapter is deadly - you're probably right but I'm Polish. And sometimes when I'm watching what people are drinking at the parties and how much I am legitimately wondering how are they even alive.  
Also, don't do this to yourself. I made this mistake three times and hungover sucks. It's also not my type of entertainment so.  
Anyway, it will be multichapter focusing mostly on Tikki and Marinette's feelings and any bullshit they do while they're drunk. I hope someone will enjoy my story.

And there will be a translation in Polish. I just found it easier to write some jokes in English.


	2. Friday, 10:57 - 11:59 PM

[10:57 PM, Friday]

Okay, so maybe setting the toilet on fire wasn't her best idea after all. But not the worst either! She did get rid of the posters, right? Welp, now she was looking at still burning toilet.

She suddenly remembered something about fumes and how dangerous they are.

She sat down near the sink and reached for her phone. It took her five minutes to get the password right but when she finally did, immediately opened YouTube and typed "hwo long id b dyibg frpm fiums?". Marinette waited for the page to load but when it did she was disappointed. The first result was "Why Death by Lava Is Much Worse than in the Movies" and, yeah well, it wasn't what she was looking for.

So she kept scrolling down but she was getting bored. And then she saw it - "blink-182 - Bored To Death". If it wasn't a sign from God then she didn't know what it was. She clicked it and music filled the airless bathroom. She got up and went to open a window.

Not that she minded dying at the moment but Paris probably couldn't afford a superheroine funeral. Actually, would they even know that she's dead? Chat probably would but after some time. Oh, he would be so sad if she did die. And she didn't like him sad. She would just have to suffer and live a little longer.

"Yu'r welc'm K'tty.", she said to herself.

She spent some time near the window but returned to her place on the floor. For some strange reason the fire on the toilet just got worse and now the seat was burning. Yeah, she should probably extinguish it. Then the music changed. Marinette looked at her phone and saw this - "It's my life (Russian version)". She watched the whole video as she listened to this Bon Jovi cover.

And holy cats, this was amazing. She decided that she must share this masterpiece with her friends before she forgets about its existence. Or before she dies from the fumes.

She opened Messenger and searched for the class's group chat. The one without Chloe, Lila, and Sabrina. Apparently, only three of her classmates were up at this time but she didn't bother checking who exactly. And so she started typing a message.

[11:09 PM, Fri] Marinette: Y' gys Im'a shplw yu sth  
[11:09 PM, Fri] Marinette: watch?v=9B1M3IPVcXs  
[11:09 PM, Fri] Marinette: Isnmt a masyerpice?/

She sent it and immediately saw an icon signaling her that someone was responding to her text. But before she could see what the other person wrote its started to get hotter in the bathroom. Maybe she should just hang out on her lounge. Yes, it was for the best.

So yet again, she stood up and almost immediately regretted it and her world swirled. She grabbed the sink counter and she just stayed there for some time. When she finally felt better she got out of the bathroom and laid down on the floor. She didn't bother going to the lounge.

Suddenly her phone started ringing. The sound of her phone ringing only irritated her more so she took her phone, declined and put it down. Then she remembered about the chat, so she grabbed her phone again. And spent only three minutes to get the password right this time. That's progress, right?

There were 50+ new messages on the group and mentions for her. But Marinette didn't bother to read them. Instead, she just simply typed:

[11:34 PM, Fri] Marinette: imst it dopw?/?

She immediately got her answer. Oh, more than one actually.

[11:34 PM, Fri] Max: jesus fking christ mari!  
[11:34 PM, Fri] Adrien: MARINETTE  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: HOLY FUCK YOU'RE ALIVE  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: THANK YOU JESUS  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: MARI WTF  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: ARE YOU OKAY  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: IS ALYA W/ YOU?  
[11:36 PM, Fri] Adrien: No, she's out of town iwth Nino.  
[11:36 PM, Fri] Max: oh shit  
[11:36 PM, Fri] Juleka: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE  
[11:36 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette u ok?

Marinette was having a hard time processing why they were like this. Did they not like the video? And why was Juleka screen screaming at her? Rude.

[11:37 PM, Fri] Marinette: fsrt of alll ride  
[11:37 PM, Fri] Max: ...ride?  
[11:37 PM, Fri] Marinette: nnno  
[11:37 PM, Fri] Marinette: r  
[11:38 PM, Fri] Marinette: u  
[11:38 PM, Fri] Adrien: Jesus  
[11:38 PM, Fri] Marinette: d  
[11:38 PM, Fri] Marinette: e  
[11:39 PM, Fri] Marinette: ims orru cant sww propetly  
[11:39 PM, Fri] Marinette: 2 mch vodlaa

There was a silence for a moment but they quickly recovered.

[11:40 PM, Fri] Juleka: ...Mari, you are drinking vodka.  
[11:40 PM, Fri] Juleka: alcohol  
[11:40 PM, Fri] Juleka: home alone  
[11:41 PM, Fri] Max: i'm stunned. i'd bet on nino 2b first one to get wasted  
[11:41 PM, Fri] Max: marinette wasn't even being bet on  
[11:41 PM, Fri] Max: we've all just lost 500 euros  
[11:42 PM, Fri] Adrien: Holy shit.  
[11:42 PM, Fri] Max: yep  
[11:42 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette, seriously. Are you okay?  
[11:43 PM, Fri] Juleka: WHAT THE FUCK AGRESTE  
[11:43 PM, Fri] Juleka: SHE'S OBVIOUSLY NOT OKAY AND ALYA'S GONNA KILL EVERYONE THAT CAUSED THIS  
[11:43 PM, Fri] Adrien: R.I.P. Chloe. She lived 16 years but passed by a tragic death by Alya Cesaire.  
[11:44 PM, Fri] Max: Amen [*]  
[11:44 PM, Fri] Juleka: ARE YOU DICKHEADS DONE  
[11:44 PM, Fri] Juleka: MARINETTE ANSWER ME  
[11:44 PM, Fri] Juleka: ARE YOU ALONE OR WITH SOMEONE?

At the same time, Marinette was having a hard time remembering what she was about to type before. She remembered them being rude but that's it. So instead she went with what she read now.

[11:45 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette are you there?  
[11:46 PM, Fri] Marinette: immmmmmm olkk  
[11:46 PM, Fri] Marinette: tikk s with me  
[11:46 PM, Fri] Marinette: bt last rime i saw hwr sje was yelking so i letf  
[11:46 PM, Fri] Max: Tikk?  
[11:47 PM, Fri] Adrien: Who is she? Does she know you're drunk? Why was she yelling?

Marinette stopped for a moment to... she forgot what. So it probably did not matter and returned responding to her friends.

[11:47 PM, Fri] Marinette: she os a hppy spiorit tjat libves wiht us  
[11:47 PM, Fri] Marinette: sjhe s drink tuu so dhe knoes tjat im  
[11:47 PM, Fri] Marinette: i rook her tewuila so dhe's oissed  
[11:47 PM, Fri] Adrien: Holy fucking shit. Marinette hold on.  
[11:47 PM, Fri] Max: ...  
[11:48 PM, Fri] Max: marinette  
[11:48 PM, Fri] Max: you are drinking  
[11:48 PM, Fri] Max: with a ghost  
[11:48 PM, Fri] Max: honestly, what the fuck did you drink and how much  
[11:49 PM, Fri] Juleka: AND WHY  
[11:49 PM, Fri] Max: could you plz turn caps off  
[11:49 PM, Fri] Max: it's getting annoying.  
[11:49 PM, Fri] Juleka: WHAT IS ANNOYING IS THAT YOU TWO ARE NOT AFRAID OF ALYA  
[11:50 PM, Fri] Juleka: but fine  
[11:50 PM, Fri] Juleka: 16th of october 2016  
[11:50 PM, Fri] Juleka: does it ring a bell w/ u?

Oh fuck, Alya. The aftermath would be shit if Alya knew. Now she needed to get rid of the evidence of her drinking.

[11:50 PM, Fri] Marinette: oj sjit  
[11:50 PM, Fri] Marinette: ee need s heltr of akya lnows  
[11:51 PM, Fri] Juleka: yeah sure Mari  
[11:51 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette I'm coming over. Please open the door and wait for me. And DO NOT move after that.  
[11:51 PM, Fri] Max: omg, now alya's going to flip b4 she kills us  
[11:52 PM, Fri] Juleka: AGRESTE YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF HER OR I'M HELPING ALYA KILL YOU

Marinette was staring at the text Adrien sent.

Oh for fuck's sake, she did not set her toilet on fire because of his judging eyes so he could come to her. So she decided to tell him this.

[11:53 PM, Fri] Marinette: butxh i dod not judt stiuffed akk of uor phoyos in mu toiket nd set it ob fite so uou xould cone her

The response was almost immediate.

[11:53 PM, Fri] Max: YOU DID WHAT  
[11:53 PM, Fri] Juleka: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST  
[11:53 PM, Fri] Max: ADRIEN GET YOUR ASS THERE RIGHT NOW  
[11:53 PM, Fri] Juleka: MARINETTE DON'T DIE OH MY GOD  
[11:53 PM, Fri] Juleka: GET OUT OF THERE JESUS

Okay, well. It was starting to get hot in here anyway. So Marinette got up but before she left her bedroom she remembered about the tequila. And she turned back so she could take it with her.

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[11:09 PM, Friday, Agreste's Mansion]

It was a hard week. And Adrien wasn't even done with it yet. He still had some stuff he needed to do before going to bed. His father went to Milan earlier that day and he could have a whole weekend just for himself. His desktop was bright as he scrolled through Uncyclopedia when suddenly a new message popped out.

'Marinette Dupain-Cheng posted in "fck french heathers"'. He did not understand why French Heathers but Alya came up with it so nobody fought it. He opened the chat and froze.

[11:09 PM, Fri] Marinette: Y' gys Im'a shplw yu sth  
[11:09 PM, Fri] Marinette: watch?v=9B1M3IPVcXs  
[11:09 PM, Fri] Marinette: Isnmt a masyerpice?/

First of all, what the hell. She sounded (I'm fully aware that texts don't sound, thank you very much) awfully drunk. And it wasn't someone who you'd think is likely to get drunk - it was Marinette. Sweet, humble, shy Marinette. He wasn't the only one to view this message though as he saw Juleka and Max's avatars under it. Max was the first one to respond.

[11:10 PM, Fri] Max: marinette what is this  
[11:10 PM, Fri] Max: what happened? u ok?  
[11:10 PM, Fri] Juleka: Mari are you ok?

It was weird. Like, super weird.

[11:11 PM, Fri] Adrien: Are you drunk or high?  
[11:11 PM, Fri] Max: agreste are u hearing yourself righ now?  
[11:12 PM, Fri] Adrien: No, but I can read it.  
[11:12 PM, Fri] Max: our marinette drunk/high  
[11:12 PM, Fri] Max: yeah, not gonna believe that  
[11:12 PM, Fri] Juleka: well sry max but i've to side w/ adrien on this one  
[11:13 PM, Fri] Juleka: Marinette Dupain-Cheng  
[11:13 PM, Fri] Juleka: are u ok babe?

But when Marinette didn't respond for six minutes they legitimately started to get scared. It really wasn't like her at all. After two years of going to the same class together, it never crossed his mind that she'd ever get drunk. Well, at least not when being 16.

[11:19 PM, Fri] Juleka: Marinette FOR THE LOVE OF GOD  
[11:20 PM, Fri] Juleka: ANSWER ME  
[11:20 PM, Fri] Max: marinette  
[11:20 PM, Fri] Max: mari you're scaring us  
[11:21 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette Dupain-Cheng Marinette, please. Just tell us you're okay

Adrien was impatiently tapping fingers on his desk which caused an annoyed groan from Plagg.

"Can you stop, I'm trying to sleep.", kwami mumbled. But he didn't stop which caused even more annoyed and louder groan. Plagg flew to the boy and sat on his head, "Okay kid, what is this about?"

"My friend is probably drunk or high and didn't respond to our texts for at least thirteen minutes.", Adrien answered him still focused on his computer screen.

[11:21 PM, Fri] Juleka: MARINETTE  
[11:22 PM, Fri] Juleka: MARINETTE MARINETTE  
[11:22 PM, Fri] Juleka: JUST ANSWER  
[11:22 PM, Fri] Max: jules chill a little with caps, will ya?  
[11:22 PM, Fri] Juleka: ARE YOU FUCKINH KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW  
[11:23 PM, Fri] Juleka: WHAT IF MARI'S DEAD  
[11:23 PM, Fri] Juleka: WE MUST GO THERE RIGHT NOW  
[11:23 PM, Fri] Juleka: SHE TOLD US A WEEK AGO THAT SHE'LL BE ALONE 4 WHOLE WEEKEND  
[11:23 PM, Fri] Juleka: SHE'S ALONE AND MOST PROBABLY ALMOST DEAD  
[11:23 PM, Fri] Juleka: MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG  
[11:24 PM, Fri] Juleka: ANSWER ME OR IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD ON MONDAY

Okay, Juleka was a little overdramatic right now but information that Marinette is now home alone was terrifying. Now he was tempted to transform and check on her. But there was one problem.

Plagg.

Last time he wanted to transform when it was almost midnight and no Akuma attack he did bite him on his neck leaving a big purple mark.

He was wearing a scarf for two weeks.

In July.

Adrien started unsurely, "Plagg, could I transform and...", but before he could finish, Plagg cut him off.

"No."

Okay let's try again, "But what if she..."

"No."

[11:24 PM, Fri] Max: couffaine for real  
[11:24 PM, Fri] Max: im sure she's not dead  
[11:24 PM, Fri] Max: screen screaming wont do any real help  
[11:24 PM, Fri] Max: maybe we should check on her  
[11:24 PM, Fri] Juleka: WELL I CANT  
[11:25 PM, Fri] Juleka: IM STUCK ON FUCKING SEINE  
[11:25 PM, Fri] Max: me neither i'm babysitting my cousin

"Come on Plagg, I'm the only one that can actually sneak out and...", Adrien tried to continue but kwami yet again cut him.

"Kid, no.", Plagg retorted but then snorted, "I don't think you want another 'hickey' on your neck."

But Adrien didn't stop, "Plagg, this is serious.", said while typing in the chat.

[11:25 PM, Fri] Juleka: ADRIEN AGRESTE  
[11:26 PM, Fri] Juleka: PLZ TELL ME YOURE ON PHOTOSHOOT OR STH  
[11:26 PM, Fri] Juleka: ROSE LAVILLANT  
[11:26 PM, Fri] Juleka: ALYA CEASAIRE  
[11:26 PM, Fri] Juleka: MYLENE HAPRELE

"Nothing is more serious than my sleep."

[11:26 PM, Fri] Adrien: Working on it.  
[11:26 PM, Fri] Juleka: ALIX KUBDEL  
[11:27 PM, Fri] Juleka: NINO LAHIFFE  
[11:27 PM, Fri] Juleka: IVAN BRUEL

"I beg to differ.", said Adrien getting more annoyed at his friend's antics, "Her life is more important than your cat nap."

[11:27 PM, Fri] Juleka: NATHANIEL KURTZBERG  
[11:27 PM, Fri] Juleka: LE CHIEN KIM  
[11:28 PM, Fri] Juleka: ANYONE REALLY  
[11:28 PM, Fri] Juleka: JESUS ADRIEN GOD BLESS U

His kwami only huffed.

So Adrien tried again but with a different strategy, this time, "How much cheese do you want for this?", and that got Plagg's interest.

"One year supply for tomorrow and you've got a deal.", he snickered and Adrien got still. Is he insane? He's fucking insane.

And he said that before thinking, "You're fucking insane."

[11:29 PM, Fri] Max: ok but mari didnt respond for 20 mins  
[11:29 PM, Fri] Max: maybe we should call her instead of typing  
[11:30 PM, Fri] Juleka: ON IT

Plagg gasped, "How could you?", he said, not really offended but he played like he was, "I thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you.", kwami teased.

"Believe me, you are and I love you so much that I can't even. But at the same time, I hate you with burning passion."

[11:31 PM, Fri] Juleka: SHE DIDN'T ANSWER

Adrien was frozen for a second. If she didn't answer then it could be really bad.

Kwami chuckled, "I don't get why. I'm such a lovable creature."

[11:31 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette Dupain-Cheng  
[11:31 PM, Fri] Adrien: Please just write something.  
[11:32 PM, Fri] Adrien: Forget the 'O' even just 'K' would suffice!

The boy rolled his eyes, "Sure Plagg, sure.", he said before adding, "Forgive me oh Great and Amazing Plagg, King of Destruction."

Still no response.

[11:32 PM, Fri] Max: marinette plz answer  
[11:32 PM, Fri] Max: adrien  
[11:32 PM, Fri] Max: so u going there?  
[11:33 PM, Fri] Max: because if not maybe we should call her parents or police?

"You may be forgiven my humble subject.", Plagg laughed and rolled into a ball on Adrien's head.

'Oh god, this is so bad', Adrien thought. Why Plagg just couldn't ask for one month supply.

[11:33 PM, Fri] Adrien: Still working on it, it's hard to sneak out with cameras all over the house.  
[11:33 PM, Fri] Juleka: GOD, JESUS, HOLY GHOST PLEASE LET MARINETTE ANSWER US  
[11:34 PM, Fri] Marinette: imst it dopw?/?

And just like that Juleka prayer have been answered. Marinette's alive.

"PLAGG, SHE'S ALIVE!", Adrien screamed.

Kwami groaned in response, "Yeah, great. Now there's no need for us to go there."

[11:34 PM, Fri] Max: jesus fking christ mari!  
[11:34 PM, Fri] Adrien: MARINETTE  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: HOLY FUCK YOU'RE ALIVE  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: THANK YOU JESUS  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: MARI WTF  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: ARE YOU OKAY  
[11:35 PM, Fri] Juleka: IS ALYA W/ YOU?

Adrien knew for sure that she wasn't as she and Nino were out of town camping with Nino's family. God, what would Alya think if she saw the messages Marinette sent.

"Plagg, please.", Adrien was now begging.

[11:36 PM, Fri] Adrien: No, she's out of town iwth Nino.  
[11:36 PM, Fri] Max: oh shit  
[11:36 PM, Fri] Juleka: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

Plagg laughed and turned to his other side, "You know the price kid"

[11:36 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette u ok?

"Yeah, I know and it's ridiculous."

"Nah, it's nothing."

[11:37 PM, Fri] Marinette: fsrt of alll ride  
[11:37 PM, Fri] Max: ...ride?  
[11:37 PM, Fri] Marinette: nnno  
[11:37 PM, Fri] Marinette: r  
[11:38 PM, Fri] Marinette: u

God, she truly must have had something strong.

[11:38 PM, Fri] Adrien: Jesus

Finally, he couldn't stand it, "Okay, screw this.", he snapped and opened another card on his computer, typing 'buy cheese online', "How much do you want?"

[11:38 PM, Fri] Marinette: d  
[11:38 PM, Fri] Marinette: e  
[11:39 PM, Fri] Marinette: ims orru cant sww propetly  
[11:39 PM, Fri] Marinette: 2 mchvodlaa

Plagg finally got interested, "Hmmmmm.", he 'thought', "Six wheels per day."

Adrien's eyes went wide, "THAT'S AROUND FIFTEEN THOUSAND CHEESE WHEELS", he screamed.

And Plagg just shrugged. "Yeah, no big deal.", kwami said, "So do you still want to go out?"

The boy hesitated for a moment. He made his decision.

"Plagg, bring me my wallet please."

[11:40 PM, Fri] Juleka: ...Mari, you are drinking vodka.  
[11:40 PM, Fri] Juleka: alcohol  
[11:40 PM, Fri] Juleka: home alone

Kwami happily obliged as Adrien was making his order.

But he almost fell of the chair when he saw how much would it cost him.

"ONE HUNDRED AND SIX THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SIX EUROS NINETY CENTS. HOLY FUCK PLAGG, NATHALIE'S GOING TO KILL ME.", he screamed.

[11:41 PM, Fri] Max: i'm stunned. i'd bet on nino 2b first one to get wasted  
[11:41 PM, Fri] Max: marinette wasn't even being bet on  
[11:41 PM, Fri] Max: we've all just lost 500 euros

Plagg shrugged like it was nothing but said, "Fine, let's make it three wheels per day.", Adrien was almost crying, "I don't want you to get in trouble.", merciful and thoughtful as always.

Adrien divided the number by a half.

Fifty-three thousand one hundred and eighteen euros forty-five cents. Holy fucking shit.

[11:42 PM, Fri] Adrien: Holy shit.  
[11:42 PM, Fri] Max: yep

"What.", the boy said out loud and looked at the previous message. Oh, the bet. Five hundred euros. His friends lost only five hundred euros.

Adrien started crying, 'What wouldn't you do for a friend?', he thought.

[11:42 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette, seriously. Are you okay?

With a heavy heart, he clicked on the delivery address form.

[11:43 PM, Fri] Juleka: WHAT THE FUCK AGRESTE  
[11:43 PM, Fri] Juleka: SHE'S OBVIOUSLY NOT OKAY AND ALYA'S GONNA KILL EVERYONE THAT CAUSED THIS

Forget Alya, Nathalie and his father will skin him alive when they see his receipt for all that cheese. But yeah, this situation would be a perfect excuse for Alya to kill Chloe.

[11:43 PM, Fri] Adrien: R.I.P. Chloe. She lived 16 years but passed by a tragic death by Alya Cesaire.  
[11:44 PM, Fri] Max: Amen [*]  
[11:44 PM, Fri] Juleka: ARE YOU DICKHEADS DONE

Not quite yet. He still needed to fill in his credit card number.

[11:44 PM, Fri] Juleka: MARINETTE ANSWER ME  
[11:44 PM, Fri] Juleka: ARE YOU ALONE OR WITH SOMEONE?

Adrien clicked 'confirm your order', "Damn, what if she fell or something.", he muttered.

[11:45 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette are you there?  
[11:46 PM, Fri] Marinette: immmmmmm olkk  
[11:46 PM, Fri] Marinette: tikk s with me

'Your order has been accepted. Please come back again', he read on the screen and tears were falling down from his eyes.

At least Marinette wasn't alone after all but who is this girl she's talking about?

[11:46 PM, Fri] Marinette: bt last rime i saw hwr sje was yelking so i letf  
[11:46 PM, Fri] Max: Tikk?  
[11:47 PM, Fri] Adrien: Who is she? Does she know you're drunk? Why was she yelling?

"Who the hell is Tikk.", Adrien said out loud.

Suddenly Plagg jolted awake, "Wait, your friend that got drunk is Marinette?", he asked and flew really close to Adrien's face.

"Uh, yeah. Why?", the boy asked uneasily. Wasn't he only interested in his cheese just six minutes ago?, "Do you know who Tikk is?"

"Tikki", kwami corrected him, "Ladybug's kwami."

Adrien's eyes went wide.

[11:47 PM, Fri] Marinette: she os a hppy spiorit tjat libves wiht us  
[11:47 PM, Fri] Marinette: sjhe s drink tuu so dhe knoes tjat im  
[11:47 PM, Fri] Marinette: i rook her tewuila so dhe'soissed

"Holy shit.", he said out loud as he typed that

[11:47 PM, Fri] Adrien: Holy fucking shit. Marinette hold on.

Plagg nodded, "Yeah, I agree.", he said and continued, "If she's drinking with Tikki then she at least must have had tequila.", Adrien was now mouth agape, "Tikki doesn't party without at least ten shots of tequila.", kwami looked at Marinette's latest message, "Yep, definitely Tikki."

Adrien got up from his chair and started pacing, "Fuck, fuck, fuck.", the boy swore, "This is bad, this is so bad."

[11:47 PM, Fri] Max: ...  
[11:48 PM, Fri] Max: marinette  
[11:48 PM, Fri] Max: you are drinking  
[11:48 PM, Fri] Max: with a ghost  
[11:48 PM, Fri] Max: honestly, what the fuck did you drink and how much  
[11:49 PM, Fri] Juleka: AND WHY  
[11:49 PM, Fri] Max: could you plz turn caps off  
[11:49 PM, Fri] Max: it's getting annoying.  
[11:49 PM, Fri] Juleka: WHAT IS ANNOYING IS THAT YOU TWO ARE NOT AFRAID OF ALYA

Oh for fuck's sake, screw Alya. If Marinette was Ladybug then it meant that Paris now was left with only one superhero, who couldn't repair the damage nor cleanse the Akuma if there was one tonight. Fuck, this was bad.

[11:50 PM, Fri] Juleka: but fine  
[11:50 PM, Fri] Juleka: 16th of october 2016  
[11:50 PM, Fri] Juleka: does it ring a bell w/ u?

"Kid, we must transform now.", Plagg said before adding, "Plus I need some paint or pencils and canvas."

Adrien's eyes went wide again, "OH MY GOD I JUST SPENT FIFTY THOUSAND EUROS ON YOUR CHEESE", poor kid was screaming, "AS A MOTIVATION FOR YOU TO TELL ME TO TRANSFORM NOW", his voice got even louder, "AND THAT YOU NEED SOME ART SUPPLIES?!", his screams could now compete with eruption of Krakatau.

[11:50 PM, Fri] Marinette: oj sjit  
[11:50 PM, Fri] Marinette: ee need s heltr of akya lnows  
[11:51 PM, Fri] Juleka: yeah sure Mari

Plagg just shrugged. He fucking shrugged, "Okay, easy there. I'll just steal some from Marinette.", kwami said, "Just say the words."

"Plagg claws out.", he said and in a second Chat Noir stood in his place. He hurriedly started typing.

[11:51 PM, Fri] Adrien: Marinette I'm coming over. Please open the door and wait for me. And DO NOT move after that.

And just like that he opened the window and ran to Marinette's house.

* * *

Hello.  
First of all, I want to thank all the people who liked my story. I also want to thank Tjikicew for reminding me that Marinette in the show is only fourteen so I wrote into the story that she's sixteen.  
I'd write sth more but it's already past 11 PM and I've school tomorrow.  
Aso now I realized that I forgot to add "Identity Reveal" tag, so I'll do it tomorrow.  
Have a nice week.


	3. Friday, 11:59 PM - Saturday, 00:11 AM

[11:59 PM, Friday, Marinette]

She got down the stairs only to find Tikki talking to a broom and calling it Marinette. She decided she's going to send this to the chat so they wouldn't be worried anymore about her being alone.

And maybe Adrien wouldn't come here. And so she opened her phone camera and started recording.

"TH'EE HUNDR'D EIG'TY TFO W'KS GIRLY. WHU DO YU THINK U AR'?!", Tikki was yelling at the broom, but as she did so she was also crying, "Mar'nett' just s'y so'thing s' I kn'w I d'dn't kill yu. 'ts n'w 'bout thi'ty two ye'rs. Yu w'on't hav' kidz w'th him now. I lov y'u I cn't do dis w'thout you."

But besides the weird screams from the attic, there was still no answer - the broom Marinette couldn't exactly say anything and the real Marinette didn't get that she should probably tell poor Tikki that she's next to her, still alive... maybe she should work on that too.

"MARN'ETT' ANS'ER MO'MA TIKKI.", kwami was now fully hysteric. She flew (or at least tried) from her place on the empty Ciroc bottle, knocking it down by an accident, and sat on the head of the broom.

She was doing something that the real Marinette couldn't name. You know, that creepy thing when someone's looking at you and won't stop so you could feel your soul being burned. That thing. But then again, she wouldn't know if that's what Tikki's doing if she didn't ask.

And she did.

"Hey Tikk' watcha doin'?", the girl asked.

The kwami raised her head to look at the teenager and her eyes went wide.

"NNO Y'U CAN'T BEC'OM' A G'OST NOW. JE'NNE W'S TH'EE YE'RS ALDER TH'N YOU WHEN SH' DIED.", Tikki screamed and threw herself at the empty shot glasses plus a wine cork and started crying between them.

Marinette, on the other hand, decided that it was boring so she stopped recording. But she sent it anyway as a confirmation that she wasn't alone.

"SH'E WAS S'CH A NICE G'RL 'ND ALWA'S CALLED ME ANG'EL.", kwami cried harder, "F'CKING CAUCHON, I 'OPE HE'S BUR'NIN' IN HELL N'W."

As Tikki was crying and biting the cork, Marinette was typing a new message to the group chat adding the video as an attachment.

[00:03 AM, Sat] Marinette: lppk im not alobe  
[00:03 AM, Sat] Marinette: [video message]

But as Tikki's cries became louder and louder, Marinette decided that she couldn't stand it anymore. She didn't really understand why Tikki was crying but she would never leave someone in need. But first, she needed to know what's the problem.

And maybe she should record this and send it to her friends too as she didn't know if they'd believed her or not. So she opened her camera again.

"Tikki wats 'rong?", she asked as her kwami hugged the wine cork.

Kwami's cries became a little less loud. She looked at the girl then at the broom and said, "She ain't n br'eathin' Mar'nett'. She's de'd.", then she threw herself again at the broom, "MARN'ETT' I LOV' YU DON'TTCHU DIE MY B'BY.", she was screaming while punching it with the cork.

At the same time, they'd heard an extremely loud splash, but it didn't really matter.

Marinette's eyes were now full of tears.

Tikki cared for her.

Her death meant something to her. And it broke her so hard that she was crying for her and trying her best to save her. That was it.

Marinette decided she would help Tikki save 'Marinette'.

"Tikk', hold ma p'hon'. Imma sav' Marinett' for yu.", the girl said as she kneeled next to the broom's 'neck' and gave her phone to Tikki.

Kwami's eyes became hopeful, "R'lly?", she asked and flew a little higher to have a full view of her two Marinettes. The still recording phone in her tiny arms.

"R'lly.", Marinette answered and placed the heel of her hand in the middle of the broom's stick and the other one on top of her first hand. She couldn't really find 'Marinette's' chest as 'she' was exceptionally thin.

Tikki flew closer, confused, "Wha'cha doin'?", she asked as a loud crash spread above their heads

"CPR.", Marinette straightened her elbows and positioned her shoulders above her hands. And then she started pushing her body weight up and down so 'Marinette's heart' could work again.

How many compressions per minute was it again?

"M'rnett' dis isn't workin'.", said Tikki and her eyes started producing tears once more, "We ne'd to b'rn her body 'nd c'nceal her ashes so yur pare'ts won't accu'ze me of yur murd'r."

But Marinette shook her head saying, "Ther's n way imma let' ya be sad 'cause of ma dead.", and continued her compressions at rate 30 pushes per ten seconds or something like that.

She wasn't sure if it was right but better higher than lower.

Right?

"Mar'nett', yu wer alwayz such a nic' g'rl.", her kwami said, "Ev'n now when yur ded yu tryin' to help ma littl' Mar'nett'."

... maybe it was supposed to be 30 pushes per minute? But then it would be too low.

Marinette smiled, "Ur welcom'.", and continued killing the broom.

The girl was now panting and feeling kinda nauseous, but Tikki's happiness was now her top priority... at least until she needed to puke or something.

As her compressions started to become more rhythmic until an extremely loud bang spread through the room and Tikki dropped the phone.

Suddenly both Marinette and kwami saw a black figure coming down the stairs from girl's room. All of them fell quiet just staring at each other.

Until Chat Noir broke the silence screaming.

"WHY DID YOU BURN MY FACE IN YOUR TOILET?!"

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[11:51 PM, Friday, Chat Noir]

Chat was running as fast as he could. It wasn't a normal situation - and by his standards of normal, that was saying something.

Fighting supervillain on daily basis? Perfectly normal.

Finding a magic ring on your coffee table with a floating tiny cat? Nothing out of ordinary.

Pineapple on a pizza? Quite strange, but people do this shit so it's normal.

But a drunk Ladybug situation wasn't anywhere near normal. Like, wasn't she the one who told him not to dance in the park because they were supposed to be professionals? Also, he knew Marinette would never do anything that would be irresponsible.

And knowing that they were one was mind-shattering. Not because it was hard to believe that. But it was just so weird knowing that she did something like that.

Plus he's heard about Tikki before - both from Plagg and Ladybug. And from that, he thought of her as a fountain of responsibility and maturity.

Let's just say, that it's the most bizarre situations he's ever faced.

It took him about four minutes to get to Marinette's house's front door.

"Plagg claws in.", he said releasing his transformation. He wasn't sure how she would react to Chat Noir at the front door when his civilian-self was supposed to be the one checking on her. But then again, if he knew who she really was shouldn't he make it known about him too?

... actually, let her sober up first.

"Kid, you're staring at the door.", said Plagg, waking Adrien from his thoughts, "Open them or something."

The boy chuckled nervously, "Yeah, you're right.", he did ask Marinette to left open them for him, so going in without knocking wouldn't be rude. Right?

... but what would she think about him if he does not knock? It's impolite to burst into someone's house without doing so. And he really doesn't want her to think about him as impolite as he's planning on marrying her. Yes, now that he knows that Marinette is the love of his life he should start looking for engagement ring...

"ADRIEN, OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR.", Plagg screamed.

... as soon as she's safe and sober that is.

Taking a deep breath he took the handle and pulled it.

Nothing happened.

Adrien's eyes went wide, "No, no, nonono.", the door was closed. He started vigorously trying to open them without any success. Then an idea came to his mind, "Plagg, we need to cataclysm the door."

"Kid, no.", his kwami stated and before Adrien could protest he added, "If you use cataclysm on the door then there will be no door until Ladybug uses her cleanse to repair them. Which would leave the house and bakery unprotected from potential burglars."

Adrien thought about it and it made sense. As much as he didn't like to say that out loud, Plagg was right. He just needed to find another way to... Wait, what is that smell?

The boy turned his head up to see a cloud of smoke coming from Marinette's attic. His eyes became wider.

"PLAGG CLAWS OUT.", and just like that, he transformed before Plagg could protest.

Chat used his staff to lift himself to the attic. He immediately saw an open window and smoke that was coming from it. He as he entered through it he realised that he was in a bathroom.

And that the toilet and the shower curtains were in flames.

If his eyes could get any wider at this point.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT.", he screamed and quickly closed the window, "THIS IS BAD, SO BAD.", why the window was open? Didn't Marinette or whoever opened it know that oxygen makes flames worse?

Oh, Marinette. Thankfully she wasn't in that room.

His eyes turned to the shower handle. He grabbed it, ignoring how hot it was. Char turned the water on and aimed at the flames. The water extinguished flames on the courtains immediately. His bad luck at the other hand didn't want him to completely succeed as the shower pipe (whatever this is called) was too short to reach the toilet.

Chat growled in frustration, "OH COME ON.", he needed a new plan.

He scanned the room. Finally, he laid his eyes on a big bowl in the corner of the bathroom and it became clear to him what he had to do. He took it and started filling it with water.

"FASTER, PLEASE FILL IN FASTER."

It was taking too long in his opinnion. But when it finally reached an amount that could kill the flames he splashed all of the water on the toilet.

And it worked.

There were no flames left.

Chat was breathing heavily. He would have to talk with Marinette about setting a fire in a bathroom. God, he would need to talk with her about more than that. What the hell came onto her tonight? Not to mention 'Tikki likes to drink situation', because that one was even more ridiculous.

He decided that it was okay to open the window again as it was so stuffy in there and no fire anymore. As he was making his way to the door he stopped as he saw something in the toilet. His photo.

Actually no.

A LOT of his photos. Most of them were burned but some were just wet from sitting in a water or just slightly scorched.

His heart stopped. Did she hate him that much?

Before thinking much he quickly ran to the door and found himself inside Marinette's room. He scanned for her but he did not see her. Then he heard someone's panting downstairs and he opened the trapdoor with a thud.

He immediately saw a red kwami dropping a phone and Marinette... doing something (?) to a broom. His mind went blank.

What he was supposed to say in this situation? Think Agreste, what would Nino say if he was in your situation? They all were just staring at each other. He needed to approach it gently so Marinette and Tikki wouldn't get scared.

And yet he found himself screaming.

"WHY DID YOU BURN MY FACE IN YOUR TOILET?!"

'So smooth Adrien, so smooth you idiot', he cringed internally.

* * *

Hi c: So the thing with the Broom Marinette is - once my friend from school was telling me how she decided to perform CPR on a teddy-bear because it wasn't breathing. In my mind it just looked too good to left it forgotten so I wrote it into the story. Now I just have to think how to write a funeral for the broom.


	4. Saturday, 00:11 - 0:23 AM

[00:11 AM, Sat, Marinette's POV]

Marinette and Tikki just stared at him as he was moving his mouth. They didn't know what he was doing here, but it probably didn't matter.

It was like she could hear some kind of hum but she couldn't recognize it as words. The girl tried her best to decode what Chat was saying but the voices in her head and nauseous feeling in her stomach made it impossible.

_'Well, now he'd seen you at your worst, you stupid bitch.'_

_'He must be so disappointed in you.'_

She heard the voices saying, but she shoved them away. It didn't help her understand Chat. Then she remembered that her phone was still recording when he came and screamed at them. All she needed to do was to listen to the recording and she'll be able to answer him.

_'You're pathetic.'_

_'I'm not.'_, she told the voice. And she is not.

Right?

Anyway, she stood up and went to grab her phone from the floor. Her world was swirling a little and her vision got black for a moment as she bent down to reach it. Marinette was sure for a moment she's going to fall when she felt two strong arms holding her.

_'You can't do shit.'_

_'How is this bitch a heroine of Paris.'_

They were right. How the almighty Ladybug was leaning for support because she was falling... from her own stupidity. Well, at least she didn't have to worry about that one anymore as he was still holding her.

_'After everything you've done to him, he's still helping you.'_

_'You don't deserve him.'_

Chat was still talking. He wasn't screaming anymore but he still was telling her something. And it still did annoy her that she didn't know what he was telling her.

Marinette kneeled on the floor and finally reached her phone. She clicked a button... And it wasn't working. She looked at the screen and it was scattered.

_'Good job you idiot.'_

_'That fucking bitch, I swear...'_

...

What was the reason she needed her phone right now again? It didn't matter. She could live without it. None of it mattered. Why should it matter? Because it doesn't. Everything's okay.

... But that was a lie.

She knew messed up.

She betrayed her parents' trust (even if they didn't know about it yet), destroyed her Adrien's face collection, set it on fire, made Tikki cry, killed the broom Marinette, crashed her phone... and disappointed Chat.

_'Stupid bitch.'_

The last one was the worst thing of all that she did that night. Knowing that her partner was disappointed with her was the worst feeling ever. He was holding and talking to her softly. And she didn't understand any of that.

_'He's scolding you, you ass.'_

... Yeah, that was probably it. Why would he waste his time saying anything else to her?

_'You're a failure.'_

She knew he knew she's Ladybug. There is no way he didn't know by now as Tikki didn't exactly hide when he burst into the room. He must be so fucking disappointed.

Suddenly a green light surrounded them.

_'Fuck, this is not happening'_, said all of the voices in Marinette's head at the same time.

And then everything went quiet. The only noise she could hear was her own heart, beating fast as it was about to run out her chest. Also, she wasn't feeling well. She was going to either cry or puke...

The latter more likely.

Marinette felt two soft hands taking her face and turning in his direction. She wanted to close her eyes. She really did. But for some strange reason, she couldn't bring herself to do so.

So she just let that happen.

_'God damn it, idiot, close your eyes.'_

Just like all the shit that happened that night.

_'What the fuck do you think you're doing?'_

How did she manage to mess up that bad?

_'You should never have become chosen. You don't deserve it.'_

She came face to face with Chat. No. With Adrien. Adrien Agreste.

_'Holy shit.'_

_'You fucked up.'_

_'Mission abort. Mission abort. MISSION FUCKING ABORT.'_

Adrien's a fucking Chat Noir. How the fuck did she missed that.

_'... what mission, what the fuck are you talking about.',_ the voice asked the other.

_'Maybe they want her to jump off the window?',_ another one suggested.

_'It's not a bad idea, considering her position.',_ the next one answered.

Yes, that's what she has to do. The voices are right. There is no point in hiding how badly she fucked up. She deserves to die... Wait, didn't Tikki tell her that she was dead?

_'I'd beg to differ. She shouldn't kill herself like that.',_ one voice said.

_'How the fuck are you a depressing voice?',_ said another.

_'Yeah, we're supposed to leave her dead - both inside and outside.',_ added different one.

What the fuck, she is dead. Tikki confirmed that. She even tried to rescue broom self... Actually, why was her dead body a broom in the first place? Did Tikki enchanted her or something? She also said that she was a ghost now. So maybe that was the case.

_'Pardon me, dear friends, it's a misunderstanding. I said 'like that'.',_ the voice answered his outraged counterparts.

_'Explain.'_

_'She deserves a slow, painful death. Not a quick one.'_

_'They have a point.',_ some voice said.

Wait, no. She couldn't be a ghost. Adrien wouldn't be seeing and holding HER - he would be doing that to the broom Marinette. God, she's getting more and more stupid tonight... And Tikki's definitely wasted if she had (or still is?) thought that she's dead and some broom is her body.

_'How about we make her hang herself, but the line will too long so the force will be too small for her to crack her neck.'_

_'She will be suffering for a long time.',_ another voice squealed in delight.

_'Yeees.',_ the voices agreed to that plan.

Marinette had to admit, she thought about long-suffering death before but it has never been that tempting like right now.

_'You'll puke on him. MOVE.'_

It took her a second to fully realize what was about to happen. She didn't notice she was feeling this nauseous.

_'Of course, you didn't you stupid bitch.'_

Her hands covered her mouth and she could feel hot substance coming up her throat. Adrien seemed to realize that as well as he quickly helped her get up and moved her to the kitchen sink just in time.

Her body burned as she began emptying her stomach. She was shivering and she felt like was going to vomit all of her guts... And he was still holding her. Why the fuck would he do that? She really could not understand.

The voices finally got quiet. All that she could hear was now her, puking noises, and Adrien's voice. She could now understand what he's saying... And the things he was saying made her feel even worse. He wasn't mad at her. He wasn't disgusted.

He was sad.

And he was comforting her.

Marinette couldn't help but think again about everything she's done tonight. The voices were right. She doesn't deserve being comforted, she truly deserves to die. She couldn't help the tears falling from her eyes. Her stomach was now empty as she wasn't vomiting anymore but she still felt like shit.

Both physically and mentally.

Finally, Adrien broke the silence between them, 'Marinette, Princess. Everything's going to be okay.', he said while hugging her.

But she didn't believe that. Nothing was okay nor it's going to be. Tikki believes she's dead, right? Then that's what she needs to do.

Kill herself.

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[00:11 AM, Sat, Tikki's POV]

Tikki at the other hand was staring because Marinette had died and no one - even ghost of Marinette herself - seemed to care.

Like, what the actual fuck Adrien, she was your partner and soulmate. She knew he didn't know about it but that didn't mean he could not care that Marinette died.

... or MAYBE he was screaming because he realized who she was and she was dead and that he would never get married to her on an island, have three kids and a hamster. And their souls would only reconnect when he's dead.

Oh.

OH.

OF COURSE!

If she couldn't SAVE Marinette so she and Adrien could be together, then she will bring Adrien TO Marinette.

She just needed to kill him.

Simple as that.

She looked at him. All she needed was a plan how to take him down. And that would take some time as he's huge. So huge. Like soooooo huge compared to her tiny self. Why she couldn't be as huge as him, it's not really fair. Is there some department where she could make a complaint about that?

But that's for later. Right now she needs a plan on how to kill the boy... or maybe find her tequila first as she got extremely thirsty.

For revenge of course. (There actually wasn't anything she needed to revenge for, but it sounded good in her head so who gives a shit.)

So Tikki scanned the room for her tequila bottle. And when her eyes finally landed on said bottle, her whole world stopped. Had it always been so handsome?

Its vitreous shell was reflecting moonlight,  
and, oh god, wasn't that a beautiful sight.  
The noises in the background passed her,  
as her heart kept on beating faster, faster.  
How perfect the liquid seemed in the bottle,  
as if it was somehow a beautiful model;  
It was silent, still, lonesome and patient;  
Like there was a spell on it - an ancient.  
She flew up to it, quite unsure and shy;  
but there was no reason to or why.  
[10]

In reality, she didn't fly too remote,  
as she couldn't keep the route.  
'It's just tequila', she thought;  
the one that she didn't drink a lot.  
But as she reasoned with her mind,  
her heart seemed deaf or blind.  
And she kept on spinning round,  
until her body has hit the ground.  
Tikki let out stifled, loud and painful groan,  
and if she had one, she'd have a broken bone.  
[20]

Then a light has caught her eye,  
and she felt like she might cry.  
It was green and raspy and so bright,  
and it has blinded her poor sight.  
How come everything tonight went wrong?  
Like on those nights they do sing-along.  
But they aren't singing or raping ears now,  
So why is this so bad? She can't tell you how.  
Then she feels her shoulder getting bitten;  
she looks up, and she sees a fellow kitten.  
[30]

'Tikki are you okay?!', he asks screaming,  
and that causes her ears bleeding.  
But then in realization she touches up her face,  
as she doesn't have ears in the first place.  
So she wonders what is this weird fluid,  
and she looks - her tequila bottle ruined.  
She goes feral - crying, swaying, screaming;  
'P'lgg, plz tell m' I'm dre'ming.'  
He responses, while eating his food,  
'You ain't no dreaming, Sugarcube.'  
[40]

Tikki just lets out a louder cry.  
First Marinette, now tequila, why?  
But that doesn't matter to Plagg,  
as he tries to give her a gag.  
So she slaps him on the face,  
'P'agg, go get l'st in sp'ace,  
B't f'rst imma get r'veng', b'ddy,  
Und I sw'r it'll be b'loody.  
Imma ne'd ur fu'kin' help  
To k'll ur new'st whelp.'  
[50]

Plagg's eyes became wide,  
It ain't Tikki - now it's Hyde.  
Screaming 'shot him, burn or hang!',  
he just hopes it was a prank.  
'Tikki, love, you're not thinking straight...'  
'Imma killi'n h'm t'night ma mate,  
th'y cn't be tog'th'r as M'rnett' is d'ed,  
so we'll m'rder him inst'ed.'  
'Why the fuck are you rhyming?'  
'...'cuz I hav' the purrf'ct timing.'  
[60]

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[00:11 AM, Sat, Adrien's POV]

He seriously didn't know why he screamed. At first, he was relieved that they didn't seem to care, but then it was getting a little... scary? Because seriously, they didn't even react and kept on staring at him.

'Marinette, Tikki? Could any of you answer me?', he asked them.

But there still was no answer. So he kept on talking.

'Y-you know.. em... your toilet was burning and the window in the bathroom was open so I came in when you weren't answering the door... AND I'm sorry for barging in without you knowing, but I was so worried when I saw the smoke so I kinda did and I extinguished the flames but your bathroom is now flooded and I'm so sorry about it but there was no other...', he babbled.

And he would keep on doing so if he didn't see Marinette stood up and move. Quickly he ran to her - just in time to catch her as she almost fell.

'Woah, easy there Princess.', he chuckled nervously, 'You don't want to get a bruise on your pretty face. And it's a really pretty face. Like, stunning. Never seen one more beautiful than yours... Well, maybe Naomi Campbell could compete with you as she's also so stunning... Oh, and Grace Kelly, as she's so beautiful. And Audrey Hepburn, oh god I just love her eyes.'

As he kept on babbling nonsense, he didn't feel Marinette shift in his embrace.

'We must watch Breakfast at Tiffany's together sometime - I loved that move. Oh, maybe we could watch Orange is the New Black, but only four seasons as Poussey died in the fourth so it's not really worth watching anymore...'

Suddenly a green light surrounded him.

He stiffened.

He detransformed.

He forgot about it.

How the actual fuck could he forgot about being transformed. Just after he decided that he will reveal himself as Chat Noir to Marinette tomorrow morning. Why did it seem as if life kept on fucking with him?

But then he looked at the girl in his arms, and she seemed scared. She didn't say anything or moved but it was clear that she was terrified. And so was he.

Adrien wasn't really thinking much about what he was doing as he cupped her face and turned it to his. And Marinette did not object. She met him face to face.

He saw her expression become first shocked, then confused, next sad... and something he couldn't really tell what it was but it wasn't anything good. She just got greener and covered her mouth. Then it struck him what was about to happen. Quickly he got her up and helped her - well more like he was dragging her - to the kitchen sink.

Just in time as she began emptying her stomach.

He felt quite unsure what to do, so he just started comforting her, 'Marinette, it's okay...', and she seemed to be in pain, 'You'll feel better when your stomach is empty.', well, at least he hoped so.

Finally she seemed to have finished. She was now crying and it had broke his heart. So he just hugged her and said, 'Marinette, Princess. Everything's going to be okay.'

And fuck him if it won't be.

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[00:20 AM, Sat, Plagg's POV]

Let's just say it was bound to happen, okay? It wasn't his fault that Adrien was an idiot, Marinette an emotional teenager and Tikki a hardcore alcoholic. And it was like history was repeating itself. It was happening every single time, with every Ladybug and he was always the one that took care after wasted Tikki.

And nobody ever paid him for that shit.

Well, now at least he got cheese supply from Adrien, so maybe for once he got it covered.

The first thing he saw after he forced Adrien's transformation fade was two teenagers on the floor. Excellent, let them stay here. Next saw cheese on the kitchen counter - so he took it. And then he heard a groan.

Tikki's groan.

Oh cheese, she was lying on the floor, next to tequila broken bottle. He guesses she must have smashed into it when she fell. And she was now covered in the alcohol - as it was dripping from her it looked like she was bleeding. It was impossible of course, but her red skin made it look that way.

So he flied to her, and asked her 'Tikki are you okay?!', a little too loud. But who cares. She won't remember any of it.

She never does.

Suddenly her eyes became wide as she looks at her tequila.

'P'lgg, plz tell m' I'm dre'ming.', she asks him.

And well, he can't do much about it. So he just got a bite of his cheese and mumbled, 'You ain't no dreaming, Sugarcube.'

Tikki started crying.

...

Seriously, why don't they pay him for this shit. Plagg searched for something that would gag her - a handkerchief. Perfect. He grabbed it and as he was close to put it in her mouth...

...she slapped him.

'P'agg, go get l'st in sp'ace,', she said, clearly furious, 'B't f'rst imma get r'veng', b'ddy und I sw'r it'll be b'loody. Imma ne'd ur fu'kin' help to k'll ur new'st whelp.'

His eyes got wide. What the fuck? If he got it right, she wanted to kill Adrien. But at the same time he felt a little offended as she said he was a whelp. He wasn't a dog, he was a cat!

'Tikki, love, you're not thinking straight...', he answered her. He really hoped she was just joking.

But it seemed she was not, as she replied, 'Imma killi'n h'm t'night ma mate - th'y cn't be tog'th'r as M'rnett' is d'ed so we'll m'rder him inst'ed.'

And that made him even more confused. That was the first time he saw her react this way to an alcohol... And why did she think Marinette's dead. She was pretty much alive in Adrien's arms. But that wasn't what got him most confused.

'Why the fuck are you rhyming?', Plagg asked her.

She seemed puzzled for a second, '...'cuz I hav' the purrf'ct timing.'

Well, he couldn't argue with that.

But... If she seriously wanted to kill his chosen, then he must be extremely careful tonight. One wrong move and she might fulfill the threat. He needed to stay by her side no matter what.

But first, he needed to get some art supplies so he left her alone and flown to Marinette's room.

* * *

Hi.  
First of all - I have no idea what came over me while writing this chapter, especially Tikki's part... no, that's a lie. I was supposed to read 'Pan Tadeusz' by Adam Mickiewicz but then I got bored and... well, that just happened. As for Adrien and Plagg - it's just their point of view.  
But then Marinette's... well, let's just say that basically all me. I've been depressed for years now, diagnosed for two and what I wrote there is just how I'm experiencing it. I don't know why, but sometimes I just keep on hearing the voice in my head that tells me how stupid I am, why nobody wants to be friends with me or simply that I should kill myself. Medication and therapy helps, but sometimes I guess I just go mental and I can't help it.  
Once it was telling me to cut off my tounge - because I said a wrong date on Literature lesson. And well, now I think it's funny yet kinda creepy.  
I do realize that it is actually me, thinking that shit but like I said - I can't help it. And I want to laugh about it just because I think it might help? I don't know, but it's worth a try I guess.  
So yeah, that's all. I know this chapter is not really funny - at least for me. But it was neccessary for the next ones.  
Have a nice day!


	5. Friday, 11:54 PM - Saturday, 00:44 AM

[11:54 PM, Friday, Messenger/Max]

Meanwhile in the class's group chat...

[11:54 PM, Fri] Max: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT HE'S NOT SEEING THIS  
[11:54 PM, Fri] Juleka: HA  
[11:54 PM, Fri] Juleka: WHO'S SCREEN-SCREAMING NOW  
[11:55 PM, Fri] Max: FK OFF  
[11:55 PM, Fri] Max: IT'S STILL YOU THAT STARTED IT.

And they fell in silence. While texts were meant to express 'loudness' of their thoughts, they were actually pretty quiet in real life. Because they couldn't exactly scream in the middle of the night when the rest of their households were sleeping.

I mean, come on, who's screaming in the middle of the night for the reason they couldn't really tell others or was just plain stupid?

I will fucking tell you who - my grandmother and my sister. Sunday night (it was 30 XII, I know because I was writing this shit that morning and then I went to a New Year Eve's party) I woke up to the sound of my grandmother screaming. It's actually not unordinary as she sleep-talks sometimes, but never this loud. But when I heard my sister I got up and ran to my grandmother's room - only to find those two watching winter jumping on those flat panels that I don't give a shit how is it called on the tablet. At 3 AM. Three. Fucking. AM. So I nicely asked them 'Could you stop?'. Then I walked out, shut my room's door and got back to bed. With them talking in the background about how they didn't know they were so loud. BITCH, YOU FUCKING SCREAMED. And they kept talking until four. Normally I wouldn't care, but I was sleep deprived, out of my sleep medicine for some time and on my period so I was pissed. What drove me furious the most was the fact that I actually fell asleep earlier for them to fucking wake me up for so shitty reason and then I didn't go to sleep because my body fucking decided that I got enough sleep. Ok, back to the story.

And so they just played Roblox while worrying sick about their wasted friend.

[11:59 PM, Fri] Juleka: hey Max...  
[11:59 PM, Fri] Juleka: you think she's ok?...  
[11:59 PM, Fri] Max: of course she is  
[00:01 AM, Sat] Max: i mean come on  
[00:01 AM, Sat] Max: it's marinette we're talking about  
[00:01 AM, Sat] Max: there is no way that she won't come out of it alive  
[00:01 AM, Sat] Juleka: what if Adrien won't be there on time?  
[00:01 AM, Sat] Juleka: maybe we should seriously call the police  
[00:02 AM, Sat] Max: idk, what if this will bring shit to her parents? cuz this might get them in trouble for leaving her alone which resulted in her gettin drunk and damaging the house  
[00:03 AM, Sat] Marinette: lppk im not alobe  
[00:03 AM, Sat] Marinette: [video message]  
[00:03 AM, Sat] Max: so yeah, im not a fan of that idea  
[00:03 AM, Sat] Max: wow wtf

There were not many things that could break Max's analytical mind and there was no such thing as fear for Juleka (Alyaphobia does not count). But at that moment, everything they knew, everything they believed in, went straight to fuck them in the eyes and minds.

Actually, no. Marinette was the one to fuck them in the eyes and minds.

You know how it is when your friend(s) get drunk, do some bullshit that you'll all laugh or cry at, later on, maybe you'll even get to know them better as 'drunk honesty' comes out or just steal a tire from a random garden. You are expecting that kind of shit.

'TH'EE HUNDR'D EIG'TY TFO W'KS GIRLY. WHU DO YU THINK U AR'?!, what you are not expecting is floating drops of the water screaming bloody murder at the broom.. 'Mar'nett' just s'y so'thing s' I kn'w I d'dn't kill yu., or admitting that they had murdered your shy classmate while she's probably recording it... 'ts n'w 'bout thi'ty two ye'rs. Yu w'on't hav' kidz w'th him now. I lov y'u I cn't do dis w'thout you.'

Because the water thinks the broom is Mari...

And it only gets better - they could hear Adrien in the background. Screaming. Okay, cool. At least now they are sure that the situation is under control.

'MARN'ETT' ANS'ER MO'MA TIKKI', the water screamed and threw itself onto a bottle.

... well, kind of in control. Anyway, Marinette delivered, Hey Tikk' watcha doin'?, ...and the floating water went crazy.

NNO Y'U CAN'T BEC'OM' A G'OST NOW. JE'NNE W'S TH'EE YE'RS ALDER TH'N YOU WHEN SH' DIED.

Do you know how does a wife scream when she finds out that her husband is into anal in a hard way? ...no? Ok. Then imagine your conservative grandmother finding out you're gay and you've got your answer how wild the water went after Marinette said something.

It somehow pushed some shot glasses, crashed a bottle and started shaking a cork. A fucking flying droplets of water did this shit.

And that was it. The video ended there, leaving both teenagers stunned.

[00:05 AM, Sat] Max: ...  
[00:06 AM, Sat] Juleka: holy ffuk  
[00:06 AM, Sat] Juleka: max u seeing what i see cuz im like  
[00:06 AM, Sat] Juleka: shit  
[00:07 AM, Sat] Juleka: I thought thet mr & mrs dupain  
[00:07 AM, Sat] Juleka: cheng  
[00:08 AM, Sat] Juleka: were extravagating bout dat ghost  
[00:08 AM, Sat] Juleka: but holy fucking hell  
[00:09 AM, Sat] Juleka: dis shit is real  
[00:11 AM, Sat] Juleka: max?  
[00:11 AM, Sat] Juleka: u there?

But Max wasn't there. No. He was somewhere else. Now he was a man on a mission. Because now, the shit got real.

He's never been good with this kind of stuff but he's got some practice and he's positive that he could deal with this like a pro.

"NO, NOT AGAIN."

Or not.

"How on Earth am I getting caught every single time.", Max growled in resignation and got away from Roblox's jail. He looked at his phone.

There were dings coming from it, definitely from class's chat, and about Marinette. He sighs as he's playing the video she's sent.

Like she's cool and all, but...

Let's just say that her being stupid enough to get this drunk while home alone isn't his problem. He gets Juleka's 'girl panic'; understands that Sunshine Child has a golden heart and wants to help but to Max... It's just not his problem.

It's not like there's something interesting hape...

"HOLY SHIT THERE SERIOUSLY IS A GHOST."

Nevermind, Marinette's still the best and he would do anything to help.

[00:13 AM, Sat] Max: JULES WE NEED TO GET THERE  
[00:13 AM, Sat] Max: LIKE  
[00:13 AM, Sat] Max: RIGHT NOW  
[00:14 AM, Sat] Juleka: ... r u shittin' me rn?

Oh hell no, he wasn't. Now he really was a man on a mission. Screw Roblox, who needs that shit.

[00:15 AM, Sat] Max: IM NOT  
[00:15 AM, Sat] Max: SHE'S GPT A GHOST JULES  
[00:15 AM, Sat] Max: A REAL FKIN GHOST  
[00:16 AM, Sat] Max: IMMA CALLING OUR CREW RN  
[00:16 AM, Sat] Juleka: max  
[00:17 AM, Sat] Juleka: didn't you yell at me for screen yelling earlier

... Okay, she might have a point. But still. Ghoooooostssssss.

[00:18 AM, Sat] Max: LEMME BE HYPOCRITE  
[00:19 AM, Sat] Max: DOYYA KNOW WHAT DOES THIS SHIT MEAN  
[00:19 AM, Sat] Juleka: enlight meh  
[00:19 AM, Sat] Max: WE GET TO BE GHOSTBUSTIERS!  
[00:20 AM, Sat] Juleka: ... i ddnt rly want 2 know  
[00:20 AM, Sat] Juleka: tf is u talkin' 'bout  
[00:21 AM, Sat] Juleka: wasnt it ghostbusters?

Wow, Adrien's right. Nobody understands real art.

[00:21 AM, Sat] Max: ITS A PUN  
[00:21 AM, Sat] Max: U KNOW CUZ WE GO TO  
[00:22 AM, Sat] Max: MRS BUSTIER'S CLASS  
[00:22 AM, Sat] Juleka: ...  
[00:22 AM, Sat] Max: OH C'MON  
[00:22 AM, Sat] Max: ADRIEN'D BE PROUD  
[00:23 AM, Sat] Juleka: marinette'd beat you 2 2 ground 4 that  
[00:23 AM, Sat] Max: SHE'S WASTED SHE AINT NO GIVES A SHIT RN

But that was not the important thing right now. Because this was the chance of a lifetime. Imagine the headlines - Max Kante, teenager Ghost Hunter, solving the mystery of the hunted bakery.

He still needed his crew though.

[00:24 AM, Sat] Max: IMMA CALL OUR CREW  
[00:24 AM, Sat] Max: BE AT SCHOOL AT 4AM  
[00:25 AM, Sat] Max: BBYE

Oh, he could not wait until Rose and Nathaniel hear about it... and maybe the rest of the class sans the devil trio.

Yes.

More the merrier.

[00:25 AM, Sat] Juleka: what  
[00:26 AM, Sat] Juleka: max wait  
[00:26 AM, Sat] Juleka: im still stuck on da fuckin seine  
[00:29 AM, Sat] Juleka: MAX FUCK DONT GO AFK ON ME  
[00:32 AM, Sat] Juleka: goddamnit

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[00:30 AM, Saturday, Max/Poor Unfortunate Souls he called]

"Pick up the phone...", Max sighed. It was his fifth call and nobody was answering.

Like, come on people, it's Saturday night, who'd waste it for sleeping when you can go on a ghost hunt? Or play Roblox/Minecraft/Spider Solitaire. One of those for sure.  
Max was growing frustrated. He looked at his phone and clicked on the next number.

Mylene. Yeah, sure.

She's cool and all but there's no way that she'll actually help. Because like, come on. She's afraid of almost everything.

... She'll do as Shaggy or Scooby Doo. If she picks up that is.

"H-heello?", Mylène yawned in greeting

HOLY SHIT SHE PICKED UP.

"MYLENE YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME EVEN IF I TELL YOU. READ CLASS CHAT, THEN MEET ME AT SCHOOL. 4 AM. DON'T BE LATE. BYE."

"Wha-", that was easy. Okay, who's next...

Kubdel.

Bitch, yes. With her, on the team, there will be some nice action... Only if she doesn't kick his butt first for calling her at almost 1 AM.

Well, the world belongs to the bravest bitches. He pressed call and now he wa-

"KANTE WHAT THE FUCKING HELL.", the girl roared.

Shit. This is going to be hard.

"Alix, hey. How ar-"

She stopped him, "CUT THE BULLSHIT, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT."

Max gulped, "Okay so, you know, Marinette's home alone and hella drunk with a ghost, she sent us a video, there seriously is a ghost in the bakery, Adrien extinguished a fire in her toilet and holy fuck Alix she's friends with a ghost be at school at 4 AM we're going for a ghost hunt.", he said on one breath.

The line became dead silent. Did she even get what he had said to her? He got his answer ten seconds later.

"Is Kim going?", she asked.

"No."

"I'm in.", she said quickly, then added, "Anything else I need to know?"

He thought about it. If there is one thing she needed to know that would be...

"Mylene's going.", he said. Yet again the line became silent.

And then she burst out laughing, "How in the hell did you manage to convince her to go ghost hunting?"  
The boy cackled, "I didn't, I put her before the decision I made that she's going.", the girl laughed harder, "Also Adrien's with Marinette and Alya doesn't know."

She stopped laughing, "Wait, what. Wha- What do you mean Cesaire doesn't know? And why's Agreste with her. Did model boy got drunk with her?", she asked confused, "Isn't he like, sheltered?"

"Yeah, she's out of town with Nino. And no, Adrien did not drink with Marinette. He just went there to help her.", he said, "Also she set all of her photos and her toilet on fire so, you know. She needed someone with her."

Alix was silent for a minute, then asked, "How many euros did we lost on the who's gonna get wasted first, bet?"

"Five hundred."

"Fuck."

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[00:26 AM, Saturday, Don Tikkiote del La Buncha & Plaggcho Gouda]

He was gone for only three minutes. THREE FUCKING MINUTES. And to what he came back to?

"Th'r ye ar my fa'thf'l Pla'cho. Dn't ye ev'r go ag'en witho't me per'miss'on."

This shit.

"Tikki. What are you doing.", he asked carefully and dropped his [Marinette's] art supplies.

"Me na'm iz Don Tikk'ote de' La Bun'ha.", Tikki exclaimed proudly and pointed a spoon at him, "Ye, Plaggcho Go'da ar' me fait'ul squ'ire. Toget'er we av'nge de'th of L'dy Mar'nett' del Can'le", and she pointed at the broom.

...

What the actual fuck she is talking about.

"Yer bab' ne'dz to peris', yet thiz iz gre't sacri'ice to Pariz.", she went on, "I'm oug't tu tell y'u me plan, b't f'rst ye need to swe'r ur loy'lty tu moi grace or I'm to pun'h y'u in a face."

Plagg went dead silent. He knew she went crazy after few shots but it never made her talk this much bullshit.

"Tikki-", he started but she cut him off.

"MOI AR' DON TIKKIO'TE DE LA B'NCHA YE RUST."

... The fuck, "Okay, fine Lady Don Tikkiote. What is your master plan?", he asked and settled down on the floor, grabbed a pencil and started drafting... something.

She 'gracefully' flew closer to him and whispered, "We k'll 'im.", she laid down on her back and added, "Wit' we'ponz!", and moved her tiny arms to show him, 'how big' they would be.

Plagg didn't even look at her, "How will you get them?", he asked, "You're kinda too small even to hold a cookie, how do you want to hold a weapon?", and so he continued his drawing.

That apparently was a wrong answer, "Ye dn't Plaggcho? Ye n'ver stop talkin'?", she said angrily.

"No, not really.", he said, "And if you kill Adrien then I will have more things to say to you.", he shrugged and looked for rubber. Ah, damn, he left it on Marinette' desk.

"A' hop',", Tikki started but hiccuped, "univ'rse w'll all'ow," and again, "dat A' see yu mute", and yet again, "bef're A die."

And then she just kept on hiccuping.

Yep, this was going to be an interesting night.

* * *

So, there was a delay. I wanted to post this chapter much earlier, but first, there was New Year's Eve party, then I had my birthday, then I was going to doctors, more birthday parties, półmetek (kind of polish prom) and let's just say I was drunk and busy a lot in the past months. So at least I have some material for the next chapters.  
Also, I bought Don Quijote for this so it better be worth it. xd


	6. Saturday, 00:44 - 01:08 AM

I've never written that many sex jokes than in this piece. Even my essays for school have fewer jokes in them.

* * *

[00:44 AM, Saturday, Marinette & Adrien]

This was not going well. She felt better as she emptied her stomach, but she still felt dizzy and her head hurt.

Also, Adrien apparently didn't really care that she was hella drunk and kept on telling her how much he loves her and that he could organize their wedding in spring or summer, depending on his bank account status right now.

And he's saying something about how his dad's going to kill him because of some cheese he bought. Well, he would not be wrong for doing that. He smells like rotten eggs. But anyway.

Bitch, she wanted to die RIGHT NOW and he is making plans for her for SPRING/SUMMER.

Why does everybody make plans for her? Master Fu making her a fulltime job superhero, Hawkmoth sending akumas so she must fight them, her teacher telling them they have a test on Monday. I mean, okay, beating some random dudes and ladies on the street while they're possessed is fun, but Planimetrics isn't. Geometry overall isn't.

It's just not fair. She has to deal with all this shit at once. And even worse yet, he should be the one who could understand her.

Like, he has to beat up random possessed people too. And he has people to tell him what to do and give him a schedule. Also, his mother disappeared and since then his father is kind of a dick and doesn't care about his son's opinion. Nathalie and and that Big Man are his only caretakers if you actually look at it. And he's a victim of child labour...

Holy shit. Maybe he could also use a drink. Or two. He may need it more than her.

She freed herself from his grasp (he wasn't really holding her that tight, she was just weak) and went to her parent's room. If she remembers right. then there's still some liqueur left on the shelf.

"Whoa, Mari wait.", Adrien called and went after her, "You should sit down, it'll be good for you.", he said as he grabbed her by the wrist.

How about no.

She may be dying tonight, but that does not mean that he wouldn't take two last drinks with her. Also, he smelled like cheese so he better let her go.

And so she mumbled, "Let g' of me. Imma fix us a dr'nk.", he didn't let go, "Alzo yu stink."

That worked. He immediately let go of her wrist and stared at her in shock. Marinette did not really care as she got to the cabinet and took Charteuse Verte from it. Ha, she remembered right. How strong is it... Oh shit, 55%.

... They'll stick with one drink then. They do not want to get drunk tonight after all .

"W-what? I do not stink!", he finally said.

What?

Oh, right. She told him he stinks. Well it's true, so excuse her for telling him this!

The girl opened the bottle and took two wine glasses from a shelf, "Yez yu do. Yu stink like stinky so'kz", and with that, she poured the liqueur to the glasses.

"That's not my fault! Plagg likes stinky cheeses.", he replied and shook his head, "Stinky, expensive cheeses...", he added sadly.

... Fuck, she made him feel bad. Like, come on. Who says that you stink and think you won't get offended or sad. Ekhem, my school librarian. I was after P.E. and she told me I stink. Fucking duh. She 'tried' to be 'nice' about it, but god fucking damn it, it was rude.

'_Good job you stupid bitch_', said all the voices in her head, 'You outdone yourself this time.'

"OH SH'T UP", Marinette yelled and Adrien's eyes got watery, so she added quickly trying to calm him, "Nnnnnn, n't yu. De voicez."

Adrien raised his eyebrows in confusion, "Wait, what voices?", he asked.

"Yu c'not hear 'em. They in ma he'd.", Marinette replied in mock cheer and offered him one of the glasses, "Hir, cheerz", he took it and looked at the glass, still confused, as she gulped down all of the liquid in her's.

"Is that... vodka?", he asked weakly.

Marinette jumped in indignation, "I beg yu pard'n, Agr'ste", she rasped, "I w'uld n'ver allow myzelf to off'r vodka to an Agr'ste. Thiz iz purr liqu'r!", she said, proud of her pun.

"... Is there a difference?", Adrien asked, still confused.

Fuck, he didn't notice the pun. How is he Chat, something's not right.

"Of co'rs there iz!", she yelled, "Thiz iz stronger!", the girl said and threw her glass and it shattered, "Yeeee-hooooooo bitchez!", and so she proudly stormed out of the room.

Adrien at the other hand was left there stunned with glass of liqueur in his hold. He looked around and saw that he stood in the circle of tiny glass pieces.

When he got there, he didn't think it would be hard to take control of this situation. He imagined inevitable identity reveal, a lot of crying, some hugs and kisses and wedding in Spring or Summer and maybe a hamster.

What he did not imagine, was the complete bullshit Marinette and Tikki performed. Those two are never touching alcohol again for sure... And if Marinette is going to be his wife and this is the way it's going to be.

"Fuck me.", he groaned in defeat, "Just fuck me."

Marinette got her ass back back in the room with the speed of light, "R'ght now?! Ya nasty!", she yelled, "We hav'n't even gon' on one 'ate!", and she looked at him. Wait, no, that's the wrong word. She eye devoured him, "Yu 'now wat? Ok.", and she started removing her pants.

The boy got red, "No, no, nonono", he said quickly sloping the liquid a little while trying to stop her, "It's not what I meant!", he cried and then added when he saw she was not convinced, "I have never even seen a naked woman before, how in hell would I have sex with you now!", he yelled and turned into a pretty tomatoe.

She stopped moving for a second, "What doyya mean yu havn't seen a n'ked waman? Dontchu watch porn?", and so she let go of the waistband of her pants.

He stared at her confused, "... What's that?"

Marinette almost jumped in outrage, "YU DUN'T KNOW WAT PORN IZ? YU'R SHITTIN' ME."

"Er... no...?", he replied, unsure what to do in this situation.

"O-M-G, NI-NO IZ A BAD BEZT BUD. A V'RY BAD BEST BUD.", she yelled and grabbed Adrien by the hand, "WE GUNNA FIX THIZ."

And so he thanks to her stepped barefoot on glass shards, "FUUCK!", he screamed and let go of the glass. Which also got shattered. Goddamnit, the universe fucking hates him.

The girl at the other looked at him with no care in the world and said, "Dat lat'r. F'rst we need tu educat' yu.", and so she led him to her bedroom.

He gulped. His feet was bleeding, brain got fried and he was wet from the spilled alcohol and he smelled like it now. Also, what did she mean by 'educate' him...? There is no way this is going to end well.

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[00:50 AM, Saturday, Don Tikkiote del La Buncha & Plaggcho Gouda]

"Pla'cho, we ne'd tu water da horzez. Day seem ded.", Tikkiote said, confused why the horse ekhem, blender, ekhem wasn't moving.

Plagg didn't really looked at her, "Tikks, you need to put the horse's tail to that hole over there and then click that button. I assure you it'll come alive.", he said and continued his drawing.

Tikkiote got annoyed by his answer, "ITZ DON TIK'OTE DE' L'BUNCHA YE PEZENT.", she screamed angrily, "B't know dat dezpite yu ar a rust Imma du az yu said."

Tikkiote looked at her surroundings. This was a strange closed land, full of weird dead animals, soft mountains and colourful grass. In the corner of the land, on top of one of the smallest mountain there stood a mirror. Big black mirror.

... She'll examine it later. First she needed to resurrect the horse. And so she looked for the hole Plaggcho was talking about. The land may be far and wide and full of danger, but it's no problem for Don Tikkiote del La Buncha!

"Ye, Plagg'o stay hir. Thiz iz dangerous land. I wood nev'r let yu get hurt. If I dn't come ba'k, water da horzez.", and so she started her search for the ressurecting hole.

"Sure Tikkiote.", Plagg answered and got back to blissful not caring.

Tikkiote started her search on top of the mountain that had smelly bog on top of it. It was surrounded by weird trees and a silver pipe with hole at the end of it, that probably led to some kind of mystical cave. Is that the resurrecting hole? She needed to try putting the horse's tail to prove her theory.

She grabbed it by the end, which had two silver swords on it. What a weird horse, "That'z fine by da wey horzi, I'm red.", she said and hugged one of the swords which caused Plaggcho to emit noises of delight.

"I wish have Adrien took his phone.", he said and wiped tears from his eyes.

Don Tikkiote decided to ignore that peasant. She had a mission to accomplish.

And so she took yet again the tail and used her flying superpowers to get to the hole. What other knight errant could say that they could fly? Right, no other. When she finally reached the hole she was ecstatic. She'll not only avenge the death of Lady Marinette de Canele but also bring the horse from the dead. She's one fucking amazing knight.

One of the swords went into the pipe. Nothing happened. Maybe it was the wrong one? She switched them. Still nothing.

"Plaggcho, thiz dozn't work!", she yelled, "Da horz is still ded."

He looked at her, then at the faucet and yet again at her, "That's a waterfall m'lady.", he said. How is this his life, he wondered and got back, yet again to work on his painting. It's already looking great and it's not even finished.

"Layr! Der is no woter!", she yelled at him and kept on sticking the swords into the pipe.

He sighed. Plagg didn't signed up for this bullshit. It was supposed to be an easy intervention, with both of girls passed out so he could watch over them and paint in peace.

And also he didn't sign up for Adrien's hysteria, but that's a daily occurrence so he's kind of used to it.

But it could go away.

Tikki still kept on sticking the plug into the faucet. Maybe he should really put it to an end, "Here, Tikki...ote, let me be a good squire and help.", he flew to her and took the wire from her.

He put it into the socket.

And holy shit, did that give an effect. The blender immediately came alive and blades inside it started spinning. Well, at least it had a lid on top, so Tikki won't get hurt while... Playing ? with it. Yes, that's the closest thing to what she's doing right now.

Tikkiote screamed in ave, "Pla'cho, yer a genius!", and she jumped cheerfully on top of the horse, "Letz go ma Choquett'! T'gether we aven'e deth of Lady Mar'nett' de C'nele by kill'g her Pr'nc so day can be togh'eter!", she yelled and tried to... ride the blender.

Plagg just stared at her. He didn't know what was worse. The sight before him, lack of a camera or the fact that kwamis were not visible on cameras. He would give anything, even his cheese, to have this moment on tape so he could show that to her later. That would be amazing.

"Plaggcho! Get on da oth'r horz!", she yelled at him and pointed at the mixer.

As much as he loves Tikki, she's straight up nuts. Seriously, why nobody pays him for this shit. Wayzz and others never have to deal with this bullshit and yet he's the irresponsible one. But sure, just for tonight he could ride... a mixer. It'll be fine. What could go wrong?

[5 minutes later]

"TIKKI CUT OFF THE BULLSHIT AND GET ME OUT OF THE FUCKING DRILL.", Plagg screamed in pure fury.

...

Well, at least he has his answer.

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[00:57 AM, Saturday, Marinette & Adrien]

How on Earth has he never seen porn? That just won't do! She knew he's been sheltered his whole life, but that's just outrageous. Marinette may be 'sweet and innocent', but thanks to Alya God bless her she believes that the internet is for porn.

Imagine poor girls's reaction when Tumblr announced no nudity on the site policy. Like come on. Nobody wants fluff all the time, even ten year old boy will tell you that.

And there's actually more to it than that. Like it is fine to show on some documentaries or articles photos of naked people of various tribes all around the world. But when shown somewhere else there is a shitstorm. So it's okay to look at a naked woman when she's wearing a necklace but it's not okay to show your butt in public unless it's on the beach.

This is bullshit.

Porn is also a very educational art. If it wasn't for it, Marinette would have never known that it is possible to fuck someone upside down. Both parties.

She would fight anyone that would say otherwise.

And then there's Adrien. Sweet, innocent, poor Adrien, untouched by the sin yet. She didn't even know how's that possible. If she hadn't known what a cinnamon roll he is, she would have never believe that. She still does not believe that. The girl could only pray that he'll find the right way tonight. She opened the trapdoor to her room.

Her bedroom was smelly.

So, so smelly.

She wondered if the fire finally calmed down for a second, but then saw Adrien and how miserable he is. Poor thing, let baby mama Mari fix this, "C'mon kitty, lemme help yu.", she said and took her chair to him so he could sit down.

Adrien was grateful for that, let me tell you that. His feet still bleed and hurt, so when he sat it was like heaven on Earth. He carefully started to take out the glass from his feet.

It hurt like a bitch.

When he was fully seated and got rid of all the shards he saw that Marinette was already typing something in Google.

"H-hey... What are you looking for?", he asked, not really sure if he should.

Marinette shrugged, "Pornhub.", she said and clicked on the link.

Adrien's blood stopped in his veins.

There were pictures, NO, gifs of women sucking men's penises, men licking women's pee hole, women riding another women and men putting penises in another men. What the hell is happening here. And even worse yet, he saw that Marinette was completely okay with that.

Like. Totaly.

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?", he screamed, truly scared for his life now.

Marinette shrugged, "P'ple havin' sex."

So that's what sex is?! What about a magic fairy enchanting two people while kissing that his mother have told him about when he was younger?! His entire life was a fucking lie!  
But that led to another question, "Why would people do that on the internet?!", he cried, "It's not what it's for!"

My mother actually said that story to me. Unfortunately for her I found out what sex is when I was 6 or 8.

"Thiz iz da sense of da internet beebee", Marinette cheerfully replied and typed 'kitvhen xountet', which did not give any results. Eh, she'll stick with categories.

Ooooh, gay porn, yes. She clicked on some good old kitchen counter fucking.

The boy stared at the monitor with horrified expression, "This is not what the internet is for!", he cried.

Marinette at the other hand looked at him, like he's just offended her, "Da internet iz for porn.", she said as if it is the most obvious fact.

"God damn it, it's not!", he screamed but Marinette did not quit.

She started singing.

_The internet is for porn!_  
_The internet is for porn!_  
_Why do you think the net was born?_  
_Porn! Porn! Porn!_

"What?! Have you lost your mind?!", Adrien grabbed the nearby Ladybug plushie and hugged it.

_The internet is for porn!_  
_The internet is for porn!_  
_Me up all night honking me_  
_Horn to porn, porn, porn!_

He was truly scared. Nobody have told him that loving a woman would require such activities. And loving this one is hard enough.

_The internet is for porn._

He wants a refund.

_The internet is for porn._

Please let that be it. God, please, stop her.

_Grab your dick and double click_

God why did you forget about your poor Adrien. Just why.

_For porn! Porn! Porn!_

He's never letting her touch alcohol ever again. EVER. Just let him cry in the safe corner inside the dresser for now.

:^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^) :^)

[01:05 AM, Saturday, Don Tikkiote del La Buncha & Plaggcho Gouda]

The land before Tikkiote was full of wonders. It's scenery wasn't really the most breathtaking view she's ever seen yet it still amazed her. Her faithful Choquette, her only companion, as Plaggcho's doom came at the lake, was now tired as well as she was.

She did not wanted to leave her poor horse, but there was no other choice. If she wanted to avenge Lady Marinette de Canele, she needed to make sacrifices. Like with Plaggcho.

"TIKKI, GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, GET ME OUT OF HERE!", Plagg screamed.

She could swear that she could still hear his pathetic cries for help. That alone made her heart clench, yet she could not let her affection towards her squire guide her. She had a mission and a destiny to fulfil.

And so she left her Choquette and Plaggcho to find a way to avenge Lady Marinette de Canele.

* * *

Hey.  
So, this happened. I actually recorded my interpretation of how I think Marinette would sing this, so for the brave: /linkacz/the-internet-is-for-porn  
Also, I don't necessarily think that the internet is for porn, but I think there should be fewer restrictions for creators using sexual themes. Like, it's a natural process, almost everybody does that shit. And everybody has seen a naked person before - well duh, they see themselves naked every day in the mirror. If you want to pull the kids' card - god damn it, just set parental restrictions on the computer or don't allow your children on the internet. They will learn about that stuff someday, if you don't want them to find out from the internet, then talk to them. In my opinion, children shouldn't be allowed on the internet until they're like 13. I think that the internet is not healthy for them. And also, if you say that you don't want to see a naked man on the internet - you DON'T fucking have to. Just don't click on it and if you somehow get to that kind of content by the accident then leave and don't whine about it. I could write about it more, but I don't want to.


End file.
